Reflections Upon My Twenty-First Birthday-- 1 A.M. Post

On Saturday, I tuned twenty-one years old. Which if you aren't from America, you might not know that this is meant to be your best, and "most fun", birthday because you can legally drink. Parties and bars aren't really my thing, so I just wanted to go home for a long weekend to see my family and have some dessert. As the week before my birthday progressed I started to feel more and more blahhhh (great and poignant adjective use, I know) about things in my life (I know, I hate when people are so vague about this stuff too, but we don't have time for long stories).

So, instead of getting hammered on my twenty-first birthday, I made a pretty important decision. Right now I don't have time to really worry about anyone else but myself. I've done that for a lot of years and now I'm over it.

I like me, I like spending time by myself and I'm not in the mood to worry about what other people think or feel about me or if they see me as desirable, smart, blah blah, you name it. I had just gotten to feel this way and then something happened that put me back to square one; I just needed to write this as a reminder to myself.  

This line from Plath's poem Lesbos captures my thoughts perfectly:

"Every day you fill him with soul-stuff, like a pitcher.

You are so exhausted." 

And as a reminder to you, don't let anyone else define you, and don't feel like you have to put all of your energy into someone else. You don't. Put your "Soul stuff" into yourself; it's where it belongs.

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